My child won't brush their teeth: what helps?

Toothbrushing brings together almost everything toddlers object to: someone puts a hand in their mouth, they have to keep still, it takes time, and it wasn't their idea. Resistance is the expected reaction when their independence is touched, at exactly the age when independence becomes the big thing.

Some children also have a particularly sensitive mouth. A clue: the child is sensitive to touch elsewhere too, to clothing labels, hair washing, certain foods.

And sometimes the reason is simple and important at the same time: it hurts. A child with the start of a cavity or a small sore protects themselves from pain. That's the first thing to rule out.

1. Start early and keep it short. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends brushing from the first tooth.² Two minutes, twice a day, with a fluoride toothpaste, is the Oral Health Foundation's guidance.¹ Ask your dentist or pharmacist which toothpaste and how much suits your child's age.

2. Don't negotiate the “whether”, negotiate the “how”. Which brush, which order, standing or lying down, which song: your child can decide those. It gives back independence without questioning the brushing itself.

3. Play first, then brush. Brush the teddy's teeth first, then it's their turn. It's a trick that's very often recommended; we found no study that measures its effect.

4. Going over again is the grown-ups' job. Children need help until they're about eight, according to both the Oral Health Foundation and the American Academy of Pediatrics.¹² Your child starts, you go over again: as a fixed step of the routine, not a correction.

5. If your child is sensitive, change the kit. A very soft brush, a small head, a mild toothpaste without a strong taste. Sometimes it's simply the toothpaste that's the problem.

Holding your child down and forcing it. It works tonight and costs double tomorrow: force strengthens resistance.

Discussing whether teeth get brushed. Asking the question already opens it to negotiation.

Rewarding brushing. What gets rewarded comes across as a chore. Nobody rewards getting dressed.

Letting go too early. “She already does it herself” sounds like independence, and reliably leads to badly brushed back teeth.

There are no camps here as there are around sleep or food: on the goal, and on doing without force, everyone agrees. It's the ways there that differ.

For toothbrushing, a story has a modest, precise task: to make the routine so familiar that it no longer needs announcing. No persuading, no moral: just an order that stays the same every evening.

And it gives your child a part in the routine, instead of making them the object of the procedure.