My child wakes up at night: is that normal?

Sleep runs in cycles, and between two cycles everyone wakes briefly, children and adults alike. The difference is that adults turn over and have forgotten it by morning. Waking at night is normal in babies after the first months and in older children too.¹

It becomes hard when a child can't find their way back to sleep alone. The most common mechanism behind that is how they fall asleep: a child who falls asleep in the evening while someone sits beside them, rocks them or holds a bottle looks for the same thing at night, because for them it's part of falling asleep.

Then there are phases: big developmental steps, teeth, infections, moving house, starting nursery. Night waking comes back at such times, even in children who have slept through for a long time. The ability isn't lost.

1. Check first, then act. Hunger, a full nappy, too hot, too cold, teeth, an infection: rule out the simple reasons before working on behaviour.

2. Keep a sleep diary. For a few weeks, write down the times your child wakes. The diary shows what nobody sees in the fog of the night: for example that waking always happens at the same time, or always on nursery days.

3. Change how your child falls asleep in the evening. A child who falls asleep alone in their own bed at bedtime finds it easier to get back to sleep alone at night. Changing habits in the middle of the night is the hardest time, for them and for you.

4. Stay boring at night. Little light, few words, no play, no snacks. So the night doesn't become more interesting than the day, without it being a punishment.

5. Give them something that stays. A teddy, a comforter, a soft nightlight. Something that's still there when you aren't.

6. Look at the day. A late nap, too little running around, screens in the evening: it all shows up at night. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests “Brush, Book, Bed” as a calm evening routine.² Our page on the bedtime routine goes through the evening in detail.

Expecting a young child to sleep through. The expectation itself causes half the distress. Waking at night is normal at this age.

Comparing. The neighbours' child who supposedly slept through at four months helps nobody. Every child's needs are their own and change over months.

Making the night interesting. Light on, chatting, a snack, the phone: that rewards waking, without anyone meaning to.

A different strategy every night. Two weeks of the same response do more than seven approaches in seven nights.

Forgetting yourself. Parents' chronic lack of sleep is a health problem in its own right. Taking turns isn't a sign of weakness.

On the basics, there's more agreement here than the tone of parent forums suggests. The disagreement is about one point: what to do when a child doesn't settle back alone.

What's missing at night is something to hold on to. A child who wakes at three doesn't know, in the first moment, where they are or what will happen. A story that has already walked through that moment fills exactly that gap.

That's why this book tells the story of waking in the middle of the night, and why it ends well.